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Why Do All My Friendships Crash and Burn

canada goose outlet locations in toronto What is behind canada goose outlet online uk this heart breaking trend? Why do all of my relationships, except my relationship with my husband, crash and burn? canada goose outlet locations in toronto

canada goose outlet hong kong Is it me? Is it the friends I choose? What!?! canada goose outlet hong kong

Once upon a time, there was a little six year old girl whose best friend taught her official canada goose outlet to say the word on the school bus. She didn even know what it meant! But when she got home and told her parents about it, they demanded she never look at, speak to, or acknowledge her best friend again. Ever.

That was the first friendship I lost. But it was only the beginning of a lifelong trend.

canada goose outlet store calgary If your relationship skills, like mine, were forged in the crucible of narcissistic abuse, we at a disadvantage. We almost certainly codependent. If we weren codependent when the narcissist incorporated us into their lives, we most certainly became codependent to cope. We had to. It wasn an option. Our survival depended on it. canada goose outlet store calgary

Unfortunately, this very coping mechanism seems to be the death knell for my relationships. I much too Much too yielding. Much too generous. I play the stupid comedienne, even needy one to allow everyone to feel superior to me. When hurtful things are said, I bite back an honest retort. I swallow my pain in canada goose outlet reviews the interest of niceness, kindness and friendship, giving my friends the benefit of the doubt. didn mean it personally, I think, just didn think before they spoke. it happens. The final straw. Years of hurt and anger seethe from the recesses of my memory. Suddenly, I never want to see my friend again. Ever.

Is it just my codependency that is to blame? Or is it something else? Do I choose the wrong friends because my cult like narcissistic family inclines me to choose friends who are also narcissistic, codependent, alcoholic and/or members of cults?

canada goose jacket outlet sale Yes! A resounding and Nance were in a fundamentalist don cult led by a man who canada goose outlet new york city creeped the heck outta me. Cathy is married to a narcissist, Joe, and deeply involved in a cult that forbids their women from wearing slacks, make up and cutting their hair. And just last week at a garage sale, I took one look at the lady of canada goose outlet sale the house and got strong level vibes from her. Later, Michael told me he seen stacks of cult literature for sale in her garage. canada goose jacket outlet sale

canada goose outlet niagara falls Oh, I not saying these Cheap Canada Goose Uk ladies weren nice. But the friendships were all temporary. Sooner or later, they said hurtful things. Cultish things. Nasty things. Gossiped viciously about their other friends to me. I swallowed the hurt and then one day, couldn take it anymore. The relationship was over. canada goose outlet niagara falls

canada goose outlet montreal But other people seem to be able to maintain life long, strong friendships. What are they doing so right, while I am doing things so wrong? Is friendship a myth, I wonder? Are my standards too high? Why does my relationship canada goose outlet toronto factory with my husband while I can maintain any other relationships? Why!? canada goose outlet montreal

I don pretend to have the answers to these questions, but here are a few observations.

Other people seem to define and conduct friendships differently than me. To me, friendship should be based on mutually canada goose outlet uk liking and enjoying each other personalities. A friend should think before they speak. A friend should be on my side and in my corner. A friend shouldn gossip about me behind my back. Being canada goose black friday sale raised by narcissists who never hesitated to criticize everything from my hairstyle, voice and canada goose outlet store uk walk to my smart assery, I expect friends to talk to me if I piss them off, not about me to everyone else except me.

canada goose outlet belgium But that not how other people seem to define and conduct friendships. Firstly, it often based on monetary gain or services rendered. They befriend someone who has something they want or provides a service they need. For example, I have an goose outlet canada acquaintance, Petra, a retired executive assistant who drives local senior citizens to the store, doctor appointments, etc for a small fee. At first, everything went swimmingly. Her passengers seemed happy to pay her fees and would often invite her in for coffee and a sweet roll. Friendships were formed and bonds woven. canada goose outlet belgium

goose outlet canada Then things began to change. Even though she never raised her prices regardless of fluctuating gas prices, her began to gripe and complain about her https://www.canadagoose-sale.co.uk fees. They tried to bargain with her, but Petra held fast. Sometimes they threw the cash down in a huff. Even though she was the cheapest driver around, they still got stroppy with her. thought they were my friends, she told me sadly, it was just all about the money. They rather go to the doctor with Ted who charges exorbitant fees, because heborrows money fromthem. They think they can control him because he owes them. I didn owe them anything so they couldn control me and they didn like it. in a non monetary based relationship, hurtful things are often said. Goodness knows, I sure I said my share of them too. But when my friend habitually criticizes people for being when I carrying around my own share of extra weight, I got to draw a line. When she repeatedly speaks degradingly about white collar workers my remonstrations fell on deaf canada goose factory outlet years. I am white collar and we work damn hard, but when I stuck up for myself, I was met with stony silence. When she criticizes everyone who garden isn as amazing as hers, yes, I take it personally. When she gets edgy when I talk about narcissism, I realize I hit a sore nerve. When her husband knew I needed to cover an event for the newspaper but said, you can do it tomorrow, I getting hot under the collar (but too weak and yielding to stand up for myself!) When her husband tries to cheat me for services rendered, I seeing red. goose outlet canada

canada goose outlet 80 off When she invites me over for supper, but I find out she really acting as an emissary for her little brother, who too weak to look me in the eye and work our disagreement through himself, then I getting pretty pissed off! canada goose outlet 80 off

canada goose outlet shop When she denigrates those forced to rely on government assistance because of ill health or mental illness, full well knowing my own husband is disabled, I taking offense. When she knew the abuse I bore and could only say feel so sorry for your mom, even after my parents threatened to sue me, then I calling her out for of empathy. When she calls over and over again, but won say what she wants on the voicemail, then I getting a little creeped canada goose outlet store out. When she comes to my home only to watch movies and more or less ignores me, then I thinking she pretty rude. When she won respect my post therapy need to stay quietly at home and sounds so disappointed when I won bring take out over to her house, then I know she doesn respect me. When she accused me of being hateful about her good fortune, when I have busted my ass to be kind and supportive, then the relationship is over. canada goose outlet shop

canada goose outlet eu Another friendship bites the dust. canada goose outlet eu

I like to think true friendship does exist. But my Friend Picker is definitely broken. And my codependence makes me a poor friend cause I don stand up for myself when I should.

canada goose outlet online store review But on the other hand, should I have to? If I have to keep standing up for myself, is that a friend I should have!? If they that insensitive, then maybe they not the friend for me? canada goose outlet online store review

canada goose uk site The friendship that underpins my marriage is based on a mutual background. Michael and I were both abused, so we treat each other with kid gloves. When we do say something insensitive, we let each other know. And apologize. No grudges are held. We keep current. Maybe it fellow survivors of narcissistic abuse, those who understand what really going canada goose jacket outlet on, who would make the best friends! canada goose uk site

canada goose parka outlet uk Until I find a real life lady friend who not empathyless, married to a narcissist or in a cult, I happy to have mere acquaintances. Heck, Ipreferacquaintances like the group I play fiddle with. You don know them well, so you can get pissed off canada goose outlet at them. The relationship is shallow. They merely skim the surface. You not so familiar that it breeds contempt. canada goose parka outlet uk

But until the day comes, if ever, I perfectly happy with acquaintances and my wonderful readers, many of whom are also my Facebook friends. Thank you for being my friends.

canada goose outlet uk sale All names have been changed. Her readers call canada goose outlet canada her the «Edward Snowden» and «Wikileaks» of narcissism because of her no holds barred take no prisoners approach to writing about narcissism. canada goose outlet uk sale

«Narcissism Meets Normalcy» is the real life, ongoing story of her healing journey from being held «hostage» by a multi generational, cult like narcissistic family. It’s gritty and real, bloody and bruised, humorous and sarcastic. considers herself a «whistleblower,» shining a spotlight on narcissistic abuse so others can also claim their freedom and experience healing.